When you lead a busy life, every minute counts.
It's as if you're constantly checking your to-do list, constantly scanning a monitor screen, or always on the way to your next appointment.
And no matter how we organize our time and our attention, no matter how many tasks we try to accomplish simultaneously, we always end up feeling like there aren't enough hours in a day to get do it all.
That was my life for two frenetic years. My thoughts and actions were controlled by e-mail notifications, ringing phones, and jam-packed calendars.
And although a little inner voice always wanted to be on time for every planned activity in my overbooked schedule, I was always late!
You see, six years ago I had the good fortune to give birth to a carefree, relaxed child who takes his time to smell the flowers.
When I was about to leave, she took her time choosing her prettiest little bag and her sequined crown.
When I had to get to a date in less than 5 minutes, she insisted on putting her stuffed animal in the car seat.
When we had to grab a quick lunch, she stopped to talk to an old lady who looked like her grandmother.
When I had 30 minutes to go for a jog, she asked me to stop the stroller to pet all the dogs she passed.
When the day's schedule started at 6:00 a.m., she insisted on cracking the eggs and gently mixing them for breakfast.
Source:handsfreemama
My carefree child was a gift to me who only thought about getting through my daily to-do list, but I couldn't see it. When you have a busy life, you only see things through a tunnel.
The only perspective you have is the next item on your to-do list. And anything not on your list is a waste of time.
Every time my child made me deviate from my schedule, I said to myself:“we don’t have time to do this”. Therefore the two words I said the most to the little love of my life were:"hurry up".
My sentences started with these two words:
"Hurry up, we're going to be late."
My sentences ended with these two words:
“We're going to miss it all if you don't hurry. »
I started my days with these two words:
“Hurry up and get your breakfast. Hurry up and get dressed”.
I ended my days with these two words:
“Hurry up to brush your teeth and go to bed.”
And although the words "hurry up" did so little to quicken a child's pace, I kept repeating them anyway. Perhaps even more often than the words "I love you".
The truth hurts but the truth heals and above all it brings me closer to the mother I want to be for my children.
One fateful day, things changed. We had decided my eldest daughter and I to go to the park. We were getting out of the car and my older daughter said to her little sister:“You are so slow! and she crossed her arms and let out a sigh. I saw myself and it made my guts spin.
I was a bully who bullied and pressured a little child to hurry up when that child simply yearned to enjoy life.
I opened my eyes. And I saw clearly the damage my hasty existence had wreaked on my two children.
As my voice shook, I looked up into my children's eyes and said, "I'm so sorry for asking you to hurry up all the time. I love that you take your time and I wish I could be more like you."
My two daughters looked equally surprised at the admission of my guilt. But I definitely saw in my youngest daughter's face an expression of acceptance and approval.
"I promise to be more patient from now on," I said, hugging my curly-haired child who was beaming with happiness after his mother's recent promise.
Banishing the phrase “hurry up” from my vocabulary was easy enough. On the other hand, it was not so easy to acquire the patience to let my child take his time.
Source:handsfreemama
To start with, I gave him a little more time to prepare when we had to go somewhere. But sometimes that wasn't enough and we were still late. That's when I promised myself that I would only be late for a few years while she was little.
When my daughter and I went for a walk or went shopping, she was the one who set the pace. And when she stopped to observe something, I would just get my agenda out of my head and observe her.
I was then able to witness expressions on his face that I had never seen before. I studied the dimples on her hands and the creases in her eyes when she smiled. I could see how other people reacted when she stopped and took the time to talk to them.
I also saw the way she spotted ladybugs and pretty flowers. She was my “whistleblower” and I quickly realized that whistleblowers are rare and precious gifts. That's when I realized she was a gift to my frenetic soul.
Three years ago I made this promise to slow down my pace of life. At the same time I started a new journey by letting go of the futile things of everyday life and focusing on what really matters. By living in a slower but more intense way.
My youngest daughter constantly reminds me why I have to keep trying to move forward on this path. In fact, the other day she reminded me of it again.
The two of us were going on a bike ride during the holidays. We stopped for ice cream. After buying the ice cream, she sat down at a picnic table admiring the pyramid of ice cream she was holding in her hand.
Suddenly a veil of worry passed in her eyes and she asked me:
“Mom, do I have to hurry? »
I would have cried. Maybe the scars left by a rushed life will never fully fade away, I sadly thought.
As my child looked at me waiting to see if she could take her time, I knew I had to make a choice. I could stand there mortifying myself because of how many times I pressured my kids to hurry. Or I could be happy that today I was doing things differently.
Today, I chose to live in the moment.
Source:handsfreemama
"You don't have to hurry. You can take all your time,” I replied softly. His face instantly lit up and his shoulders relaxed.
And so we sat side by side talking about things that 6-year-olds who play ukulele talk about. There were even times when we sat in silence smiling at each other, taking in the sights around us and enjoying the sounds around us.
I thought my daughter was going to devour all of her ice cream but at the last bite, she handed me the spoon full of ice cream:"I've reserved the last bite for you mum" she told me proudly.
I let his frozen gift quench my thirst and realized I had just made a contract for life.
I gave my child some time and in return she gave me her last bite of ice cream, reminding me that things taste sweeter and love grows easier when you stop hurry through life.
Source:handsfreemama
Whether for:
- eat an ice cream
- pick a flower
- fasten a seat belt
- crack an egg
- collect shells
- observe ladybugs
- walk on the sidewalk
I will never say again: "we don't have time" because in the end it's like saying "we don't have time to live".
Pausing to appreciate the simple joys of everyday life is the only way to truly live.
And believe me, I learned that lesson from the world's leading expert on living-life-to-the-full!
Original article from Hands Free Mama.
