Anxiety is a complex and difficult disease to manage.
But not only for people who suffer from it.
This disease is also very painful for those who love a person who suffers from anxiety.
In fact, this disease is heavy for the people who suffer from it AND for the people who love them:heavy physically and very often, heavy mentally.
The anxiety of a loved one has a great influence on daily life .
The projects must adapt and evolve according to the anxiety felt by the person.
Some situations should be avoided. And it is impossible to make plans if you are not attentive, meticulous and rigorous.
Because the emotional needs of a person with generalized anxiety vary from day to day.
Living with someone who suffers from anxiety requires a great personal investment. Understanding what someone who suffers from anxiety feels is extremely complex.
And it's completely understandable to feel confused in the face of such complexity.
To help you deal with such a situation, here are 13 things to remember if you love someone who suffers from anxiety:
Nobody appreciates being reduced to an attribute of their personality.
If you really want to help someone with anxiety, tell them you appreciate them for who they are , as a unique individual .
Never forget that behind anxiety there is a person.
It may already be obvious to you:you don't define a person by the disease they suffer from.
Unfortunately, when someone you love is mentally ill, you tend to focus on the illness — and forget about the human being behind it.
Remember:despite their anxiety, this person is a human being. A human being with all his complexities — like all of us!
Try never to forget that.
Being anxious is an exhausting thing.
In fact, the only people who can really understand how tiring anxiety can be are...people who suffer from anxiety.
Anxiety causes a state of acute tension. People who suffer from it are constantly on high alert.
Their spirit is almost never quieted. And their body is always on high alert:either fight or flight.
Of course, this state of chronic tension causes rapid exhaustion.
Situations easily manageable by those who are not anxious can easily become a real ordeal for people who suffer from anxiety.
Have you ever had a particularly trying week? The kind of week during which, every morning, you tell yourself “I can't take it anymore! Now I'm really exhausted! .
This state of stress and exhaustion is the daily life of people who suffer from anxiety.
Remember that the next time you push someone with anxiety to be more productive.
By dint of living in a constant state of tension and tension, they are easily confused.
People who suffer from anxiety are hyper-alert.
They are aware of everything what is happening around them:every sound, every movement, every smell, every light, every person, every object.
It is because of this state of hyper-alert that certain situations, which a priori don't seem confusing, can quickly become overwhelming for someone who suffers from anxiety.
For example, just having people having a conversation in the same room can become stressful for an anxious person.
When trying to encourage and support people with anxiety, remember that activities that are enjoyable for you can easily become confusing for them.
When trying to convince someone with anxiety to go somewhere, remember that activities that are enjoyable for you can easily become confusing for them.
This is why we must at all costs avoid imposing situations in which they may feel "locked in".
To reassure them, don't forget to tell them that if they wish, they can leave and that they can do so at any time.
Yes, they know:often their anxiety is irrational.
But knowing that his illness is irrational unfortunately does not prevent thoughts from racing.
Their mind continues to think of all the hundreds of disaster scenarios that could occur at any given time.
If it were as simple as saying "well, my anxieties are irrational. I don't need to worry about that", most people who suffer from anxiety wouldn't have a problem!
This is precisely one of the worst aspects of anxiety:knowing that this disease is irrational.
Therefore, there is no point pointing out to people who suffer from anxiety that their thoughts are irrational — they already know that.
What they really need is compassion, forgiveness and support.
Perhaps we think we are doing the right thing when we point out to them that their anxiety is irrational and unnecessary.
But in reality, it is far from helping them.
Just because these people have anxiety doesn't mean they can't communicate what they're feeling.
(Except when they are in the middle of a panic attack, in which case they are unlikely to be able to talk about it. And in this case, do not try to make them talk!).
In fact, people with anxiety still enjoy talking with others and speaking on their behalf. So don't worry, they'll be fine with telling you how they feel in due time.
Many people think that when someone has anxiety (or any other problem for that matter), and that person doesn't talk, it's because they don't feel like talking.
But the reality is quite different. The reason why the person does not want to talk is often due to the fact that the person opposite did not know how to listen to him properly or worse had a dismissive attitude.
So the next time you think someone with anxiety can't speak for themselves, bite your tongue! And give him the opportunity to communicate.
Then take the time to listen carefully to what she has to say.
When you see someone with anxiety panicking, are you sure you really need to ask them if they're okay?
You already know the answer:she's having a panic attack!
Her heart is racing, her hands are sweaty, her chest is compressed, her arms and legs are shaking from adrenaline and on top of that she has just entered a fight or flight state.
When people with anxiety have a panic attack, they think they are going to die.
So instead of asking them if they're "ok", try something different.
Here are some good examples of what you could tell them to help them:
a. “Breathe. Don't forget to breathe. »
b. “Try ——— (add here a technique that has helped them in the past)”
c. “Do you want to go somewhere quieter? »
d. “I'm here if you need me. (Then, leave them alone if they don't ask you.)
e. "You're having a panic attack. It will not last. You've overcome some before — and you're going to overcome this one too. »
Above all, remember the most important thing:if they ask you to leave them alone — leave them alone!
They are the ones with the most experience dealing with a panic attack. Let them do as they please.
Anxiety is difficult for everyone involved in the situation — including the people who love them.
And that, people who suffer from anxiety know it.
They know they are irrational. They know that you have been forced to give up activities or events to save them unpleasant moments.
They are acutely aware of the effort required to care for and support them.
If there's one thing people who suffer from anxiety have in common, it's that they over-analyze everything .
And this "over-analysis" also concerns the people who help them or who helped them — it is inevitable.
Know that your help and support, even in its most subtle forms, never goes unnoticed.
When we suffer from anxiety, we over-analyze things. This is an inescapable aspect of this disease.
This is why it is important to understand WHY people who suffer from anxiety over-analyze things.
The majority of them have experienced an event that traumatized them (very often, they have experienced several).
However, when we have experienced a traumatic event, the memory can remain blocked in our limbic system (the part of our brain that determines whether we are in danger or not).
Memories of traumatic events are not “recorded” in the same way as others. They are also stored in a different region of the brain than "normal" memories.
Therefore, the brain reacts differently to these memories.
In particular, the brain is constantly trying to create links between the traumatic memory and the current situation (this is one of the causes of the state of acute tension in people who suffer from anxiety).
Once their brain is in the throes of this mechanism, it is very difficult for them to let go.
Indeed, the brain is, in the long term, in a state of prolonged anxiety.
The result ? Letting go of life's worries, no matter how small, becomes a particularly arduous task.
People with anxiety can't just "let go" — their brains won't!
So try not to make life harder for them than it already is.
We all have our comfort zone — whether we suffer from anxiety or not.
Even for a balanced person, getting out of their comfort zone can be difficult.
So for people who suffer from anxiety, getting out of your comfort zone is even more complicated
That doesn't mean they don't like change.
Because once they have agreed to step out of their comfort zone, they are quite capable of accepting change.
It is just for them that it is much longer and more difficult.
The rare times when people who suffer from anxiety feel better is when they are in their comfort zone without the risk of having to deal with change around them.
When faced with a major change, it takes them a long time to get used to it and get back to their comfort zone.
It is therefore important to show a little more patience and indulgence towards anxious people.
Because they are really trying to get by. Trust them.
To manage your anxiety, you have to be able to control the little voice inside. And sometimes this process requires a lot of attention and energy.
In people who suffer from anxiety, the smallest innocuous thing can trigger negative thoughts.
When, suddenly, they seem to no longer follow a conversation, it is likely that they are over-analyzing a subject that has just been discussed.
Or they may be trying to calm their minds. Either way, it requires a lot of concentration.
But rest assured, they are not ignoring you. And if so, they're not doing it on purpose.
They're just fighting. They fight not to have a panic attack, right before your eyes.
No need to ask them if "are you okay?" ". And above all, no need to question them on what you have just said to check that they have followed the discussion correctly.
If it's really important, you can talk to them about it a little later, when they seem more attentive.
Sometimes their mind is a real battleground. Suddenly, they will leave a conversation without realizing it. And if they realize it, they feel guilty.
Reassure them and let them know you understand.
Just make sure they have understood the important information you are talking about - especially if it concerns new responsibilities that you want to entrust to them (even if it means writing them down on a piece of paper!).
As mentioned above, people who suffer from anxiety may seem absent during a conversation.
But it's not necessarily the conversation that triggers this reaction.
At one time or another, a daily event in life is likely to provoke in us a little moment of contemplation.
But for people who suffer from anxiety, nothing is enough to plunge them into deep thought.
Often, they get lost in their thoughts — in fact, it shows in their blank stares.
But contrary to what you can see in romantic movies, it's not nice to scare them when they are lost in thought (even if it can make you laugh!).
Instead, try to regularly bring them back into the present moment, but in a more delicate way.
Find a way to remind them of where they are and what they're doing (but not literally — they're suffering from anxiety, not short-term memory loss!).
But above all, remind them that they should try to appreciate the present moment. They will surely appreciate your gesture.
Basically, suffering from anxiety is not that bad.
Of course, this can sometimes be difficult, but anxiety is not necessarily a huge constraint.
Because somewhere, anxiety helped shape the person she has become today.
On closer inspection, anxiety can even end up improving an individual's life.
Why ? Because anxiety can cause people to perceive the world in a whole different way — and quite often, that perception turns out to be better.
Admittedly, the symptoms of anxiety are not great. Over-analyzing things is not terrible. Not being "present" during a conversation, either.
When you think about it, any aspect of life can potentially turn negative.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that's how people with anxiety choose to see things — at least, not all the time.
Don't forget that part of their personality is anxiety.
Remember that part of who they are (and the life experiences that define them) is also anxiety.
Anxiety can also have positive sides. People who suffer from it know it, and many of them choose to see these positive aspects (especially people who are improving).
You too have the opportunity to see these positive sides.
Like all people on our planet, they are awesome! :-)
(That's why you love them, isn't it?)
Seeing the negative side of things is easy, especially when it comes to mental disorders.
To get out of it, we must not forget that people who suffer from anxiety are great.
They were anxious before they were anxious and they are anxious after they have been!
Remember:seeing the positive side of things is a choice . Seeing the positive side of a situation is a choice . Seeing the awesome side of people with anxiety is a choice :your choice.
If they can do it, you can do it too!
And there you have it, now you know the 13 truths you should NEVER forget when loving someone who suffers from anxiety.
Try not to forget these truths, they should make your daily life easier if you meet someone who suffers from anxiety.
This is not a certainty of course. Because, let's face it, each person is unique. What works for one person may not necessarily work for another.
On the other hand, there is one thing that always works :the compassion we feel for the people we love.
If there's one thing you should take away from our article, it's that everyone — especially those who are hurting — deserves your compassion.
So extend your compassion, especially to those in need.
And you ? What do you think of our article? Did we forget something? Have we misinterpreted anxiety? Share your opinion with us in the comments. We can't wait to read you!
