Find Laurence (35 years old) and Florian (37 years old), in a relationship for 12 years and who live near Lyon, for the second part of this interview on preparing for pregnancy . As a reminder, they have two children, one at 5 years old, Antoine, and the other at 2.5 years old, Oscar. In this second part, they come to tell us about their experience in the evolution of relationships within the couple . Florian and Laurence highlight the importance of the life of the couple in the period of pregnancy, until the birth of the baby. What is changing in the relationship between man and woman, between mother and father? What is the place of the father alongside the mother and the child? Does the couple emerge unscathed from this adventure? Can we be parents and lovers ?
Has this period of pregnancy changed your relationship as a couple?
Laurence :At the level of the couple relationship during the pregnancy, we have not had much change, except at the intimate level . I had spikes in libido . The father may also have had the impression of being sidelined!
Florian :You see your wife, but also the baby. It breaks the libido a bit. The woman has hormonal spikes, so she's going to be more reactive. Emotions are amplified, but this is as valid for feelings of sadness as of joy, for example.
L :There is a change in the management of emotions and fatigue. After the first five months, we are more tired and the man must take over for the daily tasks.
F :Moreover, at the relational level, when we had our second child, the first asked us a lot. The fatigue was all the more felt and our couple had more difficulty finding a place.
What is the role of the father during pregnancy?
F :There is no real place for the father. You are a bit of a spectator of what is happening. You are not an actor:you must not pay attention to what you eat, what you drink (in all moderation of course), it is not you who has the body that changes... You are not in action. Where it really starts for the father is at birth! During pregnancy, you watch what happens, you don't control anything.
L :On the other hand, for the woman, it is important that the father is present in order to support her.
What were your expectations, in relation to your spouse, to live this period of pregnancy as well as possible?
F :I had no particular expectations. The man is there to help, support and accompany. But, in reality, I still had an expectation. It was that of not being left out and if I wanted to participate, that I could be present.
L :I expected support and attention. Florian was open and voluntary. I was happy that he was present for the big steps, such as preparing for childbirth, for example. When you are pregnant, you may tend to be focused on your belly. As a result, the mother can look less at the father, be less concerned about his moods and sometimes push the man away. It's a bit like a rejection on a given action, it's on a particular moment. If physically it is not well, it is the same mentally.
In your opinion, what are the main steps to prepare your couple for pregnancy?
F :Above all, we must discuss, be sure that it is a pregnancy desired by the mother and the father. It doesn't happen the same way if it's not wanted. It is essentially a matter of will. It is necessary that both be in order to have a child.
L :We had a stable situation, we had been together for a while. For all these reasons it was time to have a child. But, in the big steps to prepare for a pregnancy, there is also the fact of agreeing on the future of the baby, such as education for example. The choice of first name is also an important step.
And in your life as a couple, how did you deal with the change of pace that occurred after the birth of your baby, whether physically or socially?
F :We hadn't anticipated anything. We focused a lot on the child, we were dedicated to our child. We didn't sleep much, the pace of life was exhausting us. In the end, we had taken the role of parents . And, the risk is to forget the role of lovers , to forget that we are also a couple .
L :You have to think about organizing your home to keep privacy . The arrival of a baby is a bit of a revolution, so you also have to be careful to preserve your couple.
The little one comes first and it can become a kind of vicious circle. It is also important to set up moments for two from time to time, to share together without the child.
F :Very few people talk about it. When you prepare for your pregnancy, you prepare for the arrival of the child. But it's not just that, you have to know how to preserve your couple . There should also be courses preparing for life with a child !
What advice to prepare for a pregnancy would you give to a couple who have just learned that they are expecting a baby?
L :I will say two things. First of all, you have to stay united, talk to each other throughout pregnancy and avoid things left unsaid. Then, do not hesitate to seek advice from specialists and friends who have experienced the same thing. Above all, we must not remain in isolation and questioning.
F :The advice I could give is that if there is a problem, do not panic and ask a professional. Avoid going to forums where everyone speaks to seek answers regarding health and medicine. We can consult reference websites, with reliable sources, for information, but we must not be unnecessarily frightened.
