Last week I wrote an article about letting go of your child. In this case, an article that is based on a piece in which 'people' conclude that the parent of today keeps his or her child 'too close'. Does not dare to let go and thus hinders his child's natural growth. Your child grows when it is allowed to take risks. But of course we also agree that certain risks do need to be 'monitored'. Or at least be framed. I also discussed a number of events that have happened to my children in that article… perhaps a little fed by letting go. Yet as a mother, despite being able to let go – or perhaps because of it – I live with a number of fears. Fears related to self-protection. Because 'what if I'm not there?'
Table of contents
I have a thing for self-protection. I think it is VERY important. And I don't often type in capital letters, but this time I did. We don't talk about self-protection every week here, but it's in my head (almost) every day. And that is precisely the reason that we have one compulsory 'subject' here in our house…. you guessed it… self-protection 😉 . In our case in the form of Krav Maga.
In itself I think that every parent will find this important for his or her child. In my case, I also experienced a number of things in the past that made self-protection a kind of necessary struggle for me.
Learning to let go of your child automatically results in more fears for you as a parent. You want to give your child the confidence that he or she can do it themselves. But secretly you also want to be sure that everything is going well and that everything will be fine. You too probably remember the first time your child was allowed to go around the block on his bike. Without mom or dad. There are then two things you can do:
Secretly cycle after it to check, or run madly in the opposite direction to meet your child. So that the time that your child 'cycles alone' is not too long. Somewhere you are still looking for control.
But there comes a time when you really can't be there anymore as a parent. For some, this moment will come sooner than for others, but the fact remains that this moment will come. And that moment, that's crucial. Then you have to trust your child. But not just on your child. Also on the environment. And the situation. And that suddenly means a lot of uncertain factors. Exactly when you let go of your child. The confidence in your child can still be so great, and he or she can still have learned from you what is and is not allowed. You have no control over the situation. And that's where self-protection comes into play as far as I'm concerned.
Fortunately. Because in this particular case, I've been through some situations in the past that I'd rather not see repeated in the future. With my own children. Twice I have been confronted with a child molester.
In the first situation, I was selling tickets for a good cause together with a girlfriend and a naked man knocked on the door and wanted us to come into his house. In the second situation, she and I (yes, she was my BFF 😉 ) walked to the pool and a strange man asked us to show him the way to the pool and then go into the pool with him to …. the rest can be guessed.
Both situations are still very clear in my mind. And that while I can no longer just recall a lot of details from my past and it has been more than 33 years. It has made quite an impact.
Now it's gone in both cases with a sizzle, but for me it's more about the feeling you get with this. Not only as a child then, but also the feeling I have now as a parent. The feeling that actually hinders me in my upbringing. Namely, the outside influences that are out of your control, but which your children may be confronted with.
So maybe it's because of my own experiences, but for me self-protection and "the possibility of" was not a question. Our children have no choice. They can do multiple sports if they want and try anything. Does it turn out to be nothing after half a year of trying? Fine, then you're looking for something else.
It's just not like that with Krav Maga. I have made 'the agreement' with my children that Krav Maga is not a choice. It's mandatory. Both are required to attend this class once a week to ensure that they eventually have some knowledge of self-protection if they end up in unpleasant situations.
And I know, that doesn't completely control the situation yet. But with that I make sure that my son knows what his options are if he is cornered at 16 by a bunch of brawlers. And that my daughter -when she goes out for the first time- can fend for herself if she is harassed.
And of course, Krav Maga's self-protection is already in service. They learn at the age of four not to walk with strangers and to crawl through the house if a fire breaks out.
Sometimes I feel like a huge jerk, but because we have indicated from an early age that Krav Maga is 'mandatory food', this is no problem at all with our children. Rarely, if ever, do they grumble when they go to class, in fact, they just really enjoy it.
I hope this gives my children more confidence in themselves. That they know what they can and cannot do and that they can act in a stressful situation. That they can stand up for themselves.
By the way, I was triggered to this article because I had read from a blogger that she recently -as an adult woman- had a bad experience in this area. A recognizable experience for me. And I prefer that my children know immediately what their options are!
