I can almost remember it like it was yesterday. The moment I knocked on my parents' door because I wanted to go on the pill. I still lived at home, I was not the easiest teenager, and I thought I should always make everything negotiable. Also the fact that I wanted to go on the pill because I was tired of condoms and wanted to rule out unprotected sex.
But… my parents didn't know anything about my sex life until then. Incidentally, that was not at all at an exaggerated young age, I believe I was 17. Today, the average age of young people who are sexually active is somewhat lower. Well, apparently it came as a shock to them. Not only that I had sex (with my boyfriend who had been my boyfriend for 2 years at the time), but also that I threw at them that I wanted to go on the pill. My father's reaction?
I just quoted this comment from him (he's 85 now), but he can't remember anything about it 😉 . Good. So it shouldn't be like that. I have already learned that. But how should all that be? That talking about sex with your children?
Table of contents
Of course everyone does this in their own way, but at least I have resolved not to make this a secret. I also don't 'for sale' with stories, but if the conversation comes to an end, you won't hear any nonsense from me. And let me be the one in our family who gets questions about this.
The first time it was a topic of conversation, son was 9. We got a puppy (yeah) and he wanted to know exactly how small dogs are formed. I remember when we walked on the beach and I explained everything to him. About dogs then. But I didn't forget to mention that it's actually the same with humans. He looked at me, took it for granted and walked on without going into further detail.
I thought it was best for a first time! However, my daughter's turn was much earlier with a first conversation.
So that is different for everyone. It depends on the child and the situation. My point of view, however, is… not secrecy, but talk. And with every age comes a certain level of conversation. I assume that you as a parent feel how far you should or can go in a conversation.
Tip:Can you finish it after some small pieces of explanation and no more questions are asked? That seems to be enough for now! In the next situation, you continue talking.
What I do think is an important point is discussing unprotected sex. Not yet, but it's on my to-do list. As soon as I feel it is necessary (and I think you often feel this without your child having to ask), then I will make that unprotected sex very clear for discussion.
Unlike with my father at the time, I prefer a relaxed conversation. A conversation in which all sides are exposed. I'd rather make it clear that I like it when 'they' have their first experiences safely at home than having unprotected sex in an alleyway.
Because even though there are options to prevent a pregnancy afterwards, everyone knows that there are even more risks associated with unprotected sex. But should it come to that, I also want my children to know what the options are. What do you do when you meet someone on a night out and you go from one pleasure to the next?
I can't bear to think that later, if this situation were to arise, my son would pop out without taking his responsibility. I hope to raise him in such a way that, even after such a wild night without condoms or pills, he takes matters into his own hands to find a solution together. And that he does not leave the girl in question to her fate. And that only works by talking about it.
Tip:Do you find talking about sex with your child very complicated? Then get yourself some books that can help you with that. You have them for all ages. I personally recommend this book for ages 9-12.
The morning after
Did you know, for example, that a morning after pill can be bought at the drugstore without a prescription? And did you know that a morning after pill does not terminate a pregnancy at all? It is of course very important that you do not have to see a doctor. Because how big is the step to have to go to your doctor after a nice night with the story that you had sex but did not use contraception? Chances are that a young girl will not cross this threshold! With all the consequences that entails.
Because the sooner you are there, the greater the chance that you can prevent a pregnancy. The morning after pill ellaOne, for example, works 3x as effectively if you take it within 24 hours. Every year, 30% of all women have unprotected sex at least once. And there's a man involved in that, you get that. In addition, more than 250,000 morning after pills are sold every year! So this is not such a strange subject to discuss, it is about numbers!
And let's face it, be a grandmother in 4-5 years? I don't think that's necessary yet!
If sex is never a topic of conversation, and you never did anything about sex education with your children… then they won't be interested in it as teenagers either. Then you missed the boat and they get their info from the internet. It's also great that they provide themselves with information in this way, but I want to be able to look myself in the mirror.
It is simply part of education. You don't leave other things in education to someone else, do you?
Read more?
Image used via Shutterstock
