How can our children become self-sufficient and comfortable adults , if we always do everything for them?
Don't judge me if sometimes my kids eat a sandwich for lunch because I haven't had time to cook.
Don't judge me if one day they don't turn in their homework on time because they forgot it on their desk.
I know that some, reading this, will think that I am a bad mother...
Me, on the contrary, I think that's precisely my role as a parent!
For me, it is essential to allow our teenagers to develop the skills they will need to get by in life.
For example, I long ago stopped preparing their breakfast every morning.
I think they are big enough to do it themselves!
Same for lunch:if they don't eat in the canteen, it's up to them to prepare their sandwich the day before.
And, I also don't take care of their presentations and homework.
If I agree to help them (a little) or to give my opinion, I am certainly not doing the work for them!
So, for this school year, make a good resolution:for your teenagers to become adults, stop doing the following 8 things. Watch:
If you still wake up your little Jules every morning, it's high time he learned how to use an alarm clock.
My 3 children have had to learn to stand up on their own since entering middle school.
Sure, some days it's a rush and you have to be ready in minutes.
This is where you realize that the "snooze" button on the alarm clock is not too much;-)
Recently, a mother explained to me that her 15-year-old son was "too cute" and that she always liked to come into his room and wake him up every morning.
Please... stop!
Me too, I find my children adorable. I love them more than anything.
But my goal is to raise them well so that they become adults capable of fending for themselves.
The sound of kids getting their bowl of cereal ready wakes me up every morning.
My job is to make sure the groceries have been done and they have everything they need to make a balanced breakfast.
Likewise, if they don't want to go to the canteen one afternoon, it's up to them to prepare their lunch before leaving for class.
A friend of mine once asked me, "Ok but how do you know what they end up bringing to college for lunch?"
Well... I don't know! :-)
I know what foods I have in my cupboards and it's up to them to prepare what they think is good for lunch.
Finally free yourself from this chore!
I have a big family:3 children, that's not nothing.
Which means that every school year starts, I have a ton of paperwork to fill out.
And each time, I dreaded this moment.
So, since the children are old enough to fill everything themselves, it's bliss!
My teenagers are responsible for taking care of it, as far as possible of course.
They just put the completed papers to sign under a clipboard on the kitchen table.
Then I sign them and put them on their desk.
And There you go ! Try to make your teens more responsible.
They will soon have to apply for their higher education or for a job.
It would still be better if they could do it without you having to intervene, wouldn't it?
Monday, we left like every morning by car to school.
But, once we reached the end of the street, my darling daughter realized that she had forgotten her smartphone:"We have to turn around, mom".
My son then realized that he had also forgotten his sportswear, freshly washed and folded in the laundry room.
Hesitantly, I slowed down thinking... And then no!
I continued because I remembered the two of them were glued to their phones just before leaving.
Normal that they forgot their things!
As a parent, don't miss an opportunity to make your children face the consequences of their actions.
Have your children forgotten something? Well, they'll have to deal with...
This will allow them to be more attentive and realize that they can succeed in not making this kind of mistake again.
Likewise, they know that their parents don't have to pick up things left at school.
Of course, sometimes it happens and we have to go, but if it happens too often, our only answer is:"What a pity!".
Your teens' homework doesn't have to make you sleep all night just because the "deadline" is the next day.
Personally, I don't wear myself out to pick up equipment or documents at the last minute in order to finish a presentation urgently.
I always have markers, large sheets, cardboard and lots of other materials at home for small omissions.
But, if they need something else, they have to anticipate themselves.
Don't run to the supermarket at the last minute:it's their responsibility if they haven't taken the time to organize themselves.
This is also a subject to discuss with them during dinner:
For example, you can ask them:"Does anyone have a presentation to make that requires things to buy so that I can take care of it quietly this week?"
To discover: Researchers Have Studied The Effects Of Homework On Students And Their Findings Are Surprising.
"What?! You didn't wash my shorts?"
This is the kind of question that can backfire on the teenager who said it.
Did he forget that I'm not the only one who has to take care of the dirty laundry?!
The minute one of them implies that my main occupation in life is doing their laundry, I immediately hand over the chore to them!
Most of the time, I take care of washing everyone's clothes.
But the children each fold and store their clothes in their closet.
And sometimes, if necessary, they also take care of washing their own laundry.
How it is possible ? Well, I showed them how the washing machine works, nothing hard! :-)
And if they're having trouble reading wash labels, here's a guide that should help.
If your teenager has a problem with a teacher or coach, he will have to solve it himself with the person concerned.
As a parent, it's totally inappropriate to ask a coach or send an email to a teacher about a matter that needs to be resolved between the two of them.
Your teenager must learn to explain himself directly to the person in authority in front of him.
Never get too involved in this kind of situation.
Teach your child to deal with this type of problem on their own.
It's the best way for him to teach himself how to get along in life.
He must also learn to defend his point of view if something is important to him or, at least, to try before asking you for help.
Most of the time, I can't tell you what my children have for schoolwork.
We obviously talk about their day and their homework during family meals.
But we believe our children are old enough to handle their work and grades on their own.
Sometimes, they had the congratulations of the teachers. At other times, they simply failed.
That's life!
To me, websites where parents can log on to see every detail of their children's schooling are not a good idea.
This pushes us to invest ourselves too much in their lives, without leaving them space for freedom and responsibility.
From time to time, I still ask the children to show me their notes and their correspondence book.
It's also really important that they know I care.
I noticed that our daughter had "slackened" a little last year.
So I focused more on her schooling and that helped her catch up.
But I don't consider it a daily responsibility... and I don't think you should either;-)
Is it to raise children who will become fulfilled and independent adults?
If so, let our teenagers fend for themselves when they can.
Obviously, they will always remain "our babies" and we still love to pamper them a little from time to time.
But, it is above all our duty to raise them so that they later become independent.
I want to have confidence in my children when they start life on their own.
And I know deep down that everything will be fine because sometimes I knew how to erase myself.
I left them to manage on their own, in the face of failures and trials but also during their successes...
In short, facing the realities of life!
