How can you create time for yourself as a mother and ensure that you really keep that me time for yourself?
Motherhood is fantastic and something that makes you grow as a person; but it can also be heavy. This job continues 24/7. Short nights, not being fit or not feeling like it are unfortunately no reasons to call in sick for a day and skip motherhood. What can help not to get discouraged on some days is to create time for yourself as a mother. Me time to recharge as a mother. Preferably at fixed moments, because we all know how difficult it is to not only create this time for yourself, but also to keep it. Fixed moments help with that.
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This one really belongs to number one as far as I'm concerned. It can't all be perfect and it's okay to order food once, skip a birthday of an acquaintance or do the household with the French trick. Be kind to yourself, look at what you do for your family and also celebrate your successes. So enjoy your me time without feeling guilty about the time you have for yourself grabs.
It is important to find out what gives you energy and what costs you a lot of energy. Do you get energy from shopping for your in-laws? If not, you may be able to have the Appie or Jumbo delivered to them via the online route.
Is there a mother who more and more often approaches you in the schoolyard to ask if her child can play with you this afternoon? Feel free to let her know in a friendly but determined way:unfortunately, today it won't work out. Or:I would be happy to help you on another day and I will let you know when there is room in the agenda. Practice this in front of the mirror, watch your posture and know you don't have to explain † A simple no is also fine.
If you have a busy day ahead of you because, for example, you have someone's birthday or have to drive to sports clubs in the afternoon after the dentist appointment, make sure you don't plan anything on the other days. In addition, try to take breaks on that busy day. Just turn on the radio and sing along or indicate to the children that it is allowed to play this day but then once with a friend instead of at home. The feeling of success increases if you have 2 to 3 large tasks in one day and can also complete them.
Do your parents have the time and inclination to take one of your children to riding lessons or another sports lesson? Very nice, this gives you more space! For your me time or for something else. Is there a budget for someone who goes through your house once a week with the vacuum cleaner and mop? Do it right away! Can your girl next door babysit on a fixed day of the week? The moment to take me time for yourself. Do!
Knowing your priorities will also help you say no. There are women who find a very clean and tidy house super important and pleasant. Very good of course, although it may be the case that you can spend less time with your children. Or are you a big sports fan and therefore on the move a lot? Something else might be a little off then. Write down your priorities for yourself, this will help you to say no better to things that are lower on your priority list.
It helps enormously if your children are independent and can entertain themselves. Not all day of course, but children can play by themselves for 10 to 20 minutes, without you as a mother constantly having to search for things or to calm arguments. Don't use this time to clean, but do something you enjoy doing. Do some puzzles, write, sing or play sports… whatever relaxes your brain. That can also be my time.
Spending time with your loved ones creates connection and a positive feeling, which also gives energy. This can be done by eating together at fixed times, or by taking a walk at the weekend, for example. You can of course also watch something on TV once a week and talk about it. Plan this on the agenda, especially with adolescents who spend more and more time outdoors, this is recommended. Make it something cozy and try to enjoy your family.
What is the best way for you to relax and unwind? For some this is the sauna and for others a walk. Call your babysitter and make sure your agenda is adjusted accordingly to really make this me time come true. In addition, healthy food and sports in the open air also help!
Hint: the book:power mom by Esther van Diepen describes how you can achieve the right balance between family and work and thus also free up more 'your own time'.
You can order it here
Do you also tend to decline someone else's offer? Do not! If a friend offers to babysit your kids… do it right away! You can then let her children come back to play at a time that suits you. People like to help and who knows, maybe you'll help another mother in a while when your children are older and your own time is therefore easier to schedule. So if someone asks what they can help with, make sure you know what helps you the most.
Okay, with this one it helps that I'm a morning person. But I notice that I can really take time for myself that first hour without children and a husband. Have a quiet cup of coffee or tea, write something in my diary or just read the newspaper… it's all possible. Perfect me time time to recharge and start your day calmly!
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