We see and feel our bodies every day. Yet we actually know very little about it. It's high time to change that. The German gynecologist Sheila de Liz (51) wrote a book about the female body and Santé asked her to give it a try.
“I actually have two jobs,” Sheila de Liz says with a laugh. “In the foreground I am a gynaecologist, in the background a women's coach. We women tend to always look for problems in ourselves first. If we are not pregnant after a few months, we immediately think there is something wrong with us. And are you unable to have an orgasm during sex? Then we must be doing something wrong. No, I think, maybe your husband just doesn't know what you need. That's not all his fault, though. The less knowledge you have about your body, the more susceptible you are to the idea that everything is up to you. If we would all dare to stand up for what we need, our lives would be a lot easier.”
“It's shocking how little people – even doctors – know about female anatomy. During my medical studies I learned that the clitoris was a small gem, while this is only the tip of the iceberg. In reality, it is a large pyramid-shaped organ that extends under the skin. That this was only discovered in 1998, long after we transplanted hearts and cloned sheep, says it all about how important the female body was to science. And even now that the knowledge is there, many people still do not know this. It amazes me how many doctors think that the vagina is the main stimulation point for an orgasm.”
"Yes. Many women don't like their genitals and think there's something wrong with them. But did you know that in most women, one labia is bigger than the other? That's completely normal. I think that embarrassment is partly because more women are shaving these days, so you can see the differences better. And then of course there's the influence of porn, where all women seem to have a barbie look. Do realize that almost all those women have had an operation and that this is not normal.”
“Haha, well, that certainly happens a lot. I don't think the problem is that women like sex less than men, but there is a huge misconception about how female pleasure works. Spontaneous arousal in women actually does not exist, at most at the beginning of a relationship. We're like an oven:once you've pressed the on button, it takes a while to get to the right temperature. Men are more of a microwave:ping! The second difference is that men feel more connected to their partner through sex, while women need to feel that connection before having sex. When you've had a stressful day at work, the kids are busy, and the dog has shit on the carpet, our minds aren't usually on sex. While he can do that just fine. If he is then rejected, he automatically concludes that you are not interested in sex. Men need to know that our body works like a piano:you have to play all the buttons before a nice sound comes out. So give compliments, send sweet messages, kiss, touch. And not straight to the target, but also the neck, earlobes, breasts… We don't always need a complete five-course dinner, but it works that way for most women.”
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"New. Maybe your mother used to say that you just have to accept that these kinds of complaints are part of being a woman, but in some cases it is important to be examined. For example, extreme abdominal pain can indicate endometriosis, and there is something to be done about it. If your period is affecting your life to the point that you are sick for one or two days each month or you are bleeding so heavily that you can't leave the house, get help. And also if your symptoms get worse over the years.”
"Yes and no. I think the pill is a very good and safe form of birth control, but maybe not to use for the rest of your life. I believe that different stages of life also involve different forms of contraceptives. You don't say to a fifteen-year-old girl, 'Here's an app, so you can keep track of your fertile days.' And I wouldn't recommend a copper IUD to start with either, if only because it can hurt to insert. . But if you've been taking the pill for years, it doesn't hurt to explore other options, for example because the risk of thrombosis increases as you get older. Unfortunately, there is no ideal form of contraception yet, each method has one or more drawbacks. All you can do is see what suits you best right now. And if you're sure you don't want any more children, sterilization – for him or for you – is the best option in my opinion.”
“Absolutely yes. Another misunderstanding:the hormone pills that are now prescribed are not the same as those your mother or grandmother used to get and which you may have been afraid of. Today we have bioidentical hormones, which are an exact copy of the hormones that your body produced before you entered the menopause. So they do not increase the risk of cancer. In fact, the latest long-term studies show that women who take these pills actually develop breast cancer less often and live longer. Look, the average woman used to live to be about seventy. So when you entered menopause, your body was already slowly preparing for death. Nowadays we can easily live to 90 or even 100 – if you take good care of yourself. If you don't sleep well as a result of the menopause, you gain weight, move less easily and are constantly tired, frustrated or unhappy, this does not promote a healthy lifestyle. That is why it is healthier to replace the hormones that your body no longer produces with a natural copy. In my opinion, all gynecologists should recommend this.”
“Oh my goodness, are you serious? Don't you just go to the gynaecologist on a regular basis? In Germany, women do this every year, just like you go to the dentist every year. Of course there is a bit of shame involved. Nobody likes to lie naked in that chair, not even me. But not getting yourself examined because you think it's embarrassing, that's terrible. I think I urgently need to learn Dutch and visit you to provide information.”
“A lot, that's why I wrote a book. But yeah, I gave it to my own 15 year old daughter and she still hasn't read it haha. “I already know everything, Mom,” she says. The most important thing is to give your child confidence, and you can't do that by projecting your own story onto her. Your daughter is half made up of different DNA, she is not a copy of you. The fact that your period was hell every month doesn't mean that the same thing awaits her. And if you're ashamed of your body, she doesn't have to take over. We all do it without noticing, even me. When my daughter recently told me that she had bought condoms, I thought it was horrible. "You should be proud because I take my responsibility," she said. And she was right. I probably hated it so much because I myself waited until I was seventeen, but she is much more mature than I am at that age. So we should not force our own story on our daughters, but be open and positive. This way they can create their own story.”
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