According to the World Health Organization, more than 350 million people are suffering from depression.
These disturbing statistics show that it is very likely that you have someone with depression around you.
Very often, depression strikes the people you least expect.
For example, a friend, a family member, a colleague and maybe even your boss.
One of my best friends who has been a psychotherapist for many years told me that it was important to reveal something about this disease:
"one of the biggest problems people with depression face is stigma and criticism from others ."
Indeed, many people are unaware that their behaviors and comments can have a devastating and hurtful effect on people with depression.
Moreover, these behaviors and words can sometimes even aggravate the depression .
With that in mind, here are 20 things to remember when loving someone with depression.
All of these tips should not only help these people avoid stigma, but should also help them overcome their depression.
It's not me who says it, it's my psychotherapist friend. See instead:
According to Dr. Neel Burdon, psychiatrist and philosopher, depression is synonymous with existential introspection, a search for meaning in life.
Besides, one could even think that depression is work on oneself . Indeed, people with depression try to make sense of their lives.
They try to accomplish more, fix and improve things in their lives.
In addition, depression can be a way to prepare for a better future, for them and for their loved ones.
It is even recognized that personalities who have marked history, such as Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill, also had to deal with depression.
On closer inspection, recognizing that you have depression requires a lot of willpower and clarity of mind.
Therefore, depression can serve as a driving force for people seeking answers to problems in their lives.
Certainly, depression can push them into the darkest recesses of their soul. But it is for the purpose of uprooting the weeds and bushes that hide the beauty of life.
Remember:depression is in no way an act of fear, cowardice or ignorance!
One of the most common misconceptions about depression is that people who suffer from it want to be left alone.
At times, that may be true. But it can also help to have a friend, relative or neighbor drop by to say hello. Why ? Because it's actually a form of social therapy.
More and more doctors agree that one of the causes of depression is the lack of social relations in our society and perhaps even in our families.
Due to overworking at work, watching too much television and overusing modern technologies, we interact less and less with other human beings
The result is a permanent feeling of emptiness and loneliness. In fact, people with depression need companionship.
They need to see more friends, more people who come to them, more people who want to spend time with them and not the other way around.
The next time you think of someone struggling with depression, try to think of a friendly gesture that might make them happy.
A kind gesture to show her that you would like to spend more time with her instead of staying away from her.
When someone close to you is suffering from depression, chances are they need you—you—more than ever.
I often think of what my mother did when I was younger and when she was going through difficult times or loneliness:she naturally went to her siblings for help.
Indeed, family and friends are a natural cure for depression . Let's not forget to go to them more often.
Mother Teresa summed it up perfectly:“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. »
Only people with depression understand how difficult it is to have to hide their feelings and thoughts from others for fear of being ridiculed.
People with depression are keenly aware of what is going on around them .
Their perception is increased:their perception of themselves, their thoughts, their emotions AND the behavior of others towards them.
Every day they have to struggle not to fall under the heavy burden of depression.
And there is one thing they want to avoid at all costs:that their loved ones must also bear the burden of their illness.
As a result, people with depression tend to think that they are a burden on others , especially for their loved ones.
This is why they do not necessarily go to others and do not require more attention and encouragement.
Never forget that the main goal of people with depression is to overcome their illness.
But they want to achieve this without being a burden on others and without hurting them.
Sometimes the words and behavior of people with depression can be hurtful.
If so, never forget that they are not your enemy. The real enemy is their depression.
Tell them you love them the way they are, unconditionally. And after, remind them of all the positive traits you like about them.
The human body is a very complex machine. The human body is also one of the oldest organisms on our planet.
But this does not mean that we know how to prevent it from "breaking down".
The most complex organ in our body is the brain, which directs an incredible number of functions in our body.
The fact is that the causes of some forms of depression are not completely known.
Maybe that's why some people tend to think of people with depression as 'defective' , even weak.
But you can't judge the "quality" of a human being just because he has depression.
It would be like judging someone for having a big chin, being overweight, or lisping. They are simply traits that have no obvious causes.
Depression can crop up in our lives for many different reasons.
But that doesn't mean that people with depression are psychologically "broken" or "defective".
To really help people with depression, we must continue to value them and see them for what they are, whole people, strong people, people of value .
People with depression have many questions and many opinions about life, about happiness, and about the meaning of their existence on our planet.
For them, earning money, having a good professional career or having a “good situation” is not enough.
For them, living in the moment, hoping that everything will work out, is not an option.
It's strange, but depression has a capacity to broaden our perspectives, to make them more inclusive.
People with depression would like to live in a better world, a just world .
They would like to have all the answers to life's problems, and to be able to share their knowledge with as many people as possible.
But sometimes their curiosity can be their enemy. Instead of answering their questions, this curiosity can instead raise even MORE questions.
So never forget:people with depression are intelligent, curious and imaginative.
These are qualities, not faults.
People with depression are fighting the biggest battle of their lives.
And in those tough times, they need support — not criticism.
It's in life's troubled times that friends have the power to turn into angels — and angels can save lives, literally .
The day will come when you too will have to choose between being a life saver or a life taker. Seize this opportunity to save a life.
Give them your approval , your support , your encouragement and your presence .
What do you think is the opposite of depression? The joy , of course!
It is scientifically proven that laughter is highly beneficial to our soul and our health. Laughter has the same effect on people with depression.
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry does his comedy act to cheer up a friend in the hospital.
In the end, he makes his friend laugh so much that he ends up dying... of laughing! :-)
But rest assured:your jokes and humor will never hurt loved ones and friends with depression.
So, make them laugh — and make them laugh as often as possible .
People with depression are interested in others. They care about others.
They care about a lot of things:how you feel, how you perceive them, how you perceive yourself, and the needs of others.
Maybe that's the problem:it's that they worry too much!
People with depression are caring (in fact, they may be the most caring people I've ever met).
It is precisely because they have this tendency to worry a lot about others that he it is very important to clearly communicate your needs to them .
Set boundaries with them — respectful, clear, and caring boundaries.
Also, don't forget to ask them about their limitations and needs. Why ? Because that's the only way you can make them understand what you are capable of giving them or not.
In fact, to have a healthy relationship with someone suffering from depression, it is imperative to establish your limits and communicate in a clear and healthy way.
Many people with depression are stigmatized because of their illness.
However, it is not their fault:it is our society that stigmatizes them. We cannot stress this enough.
If we could reduce the stigmatization of people with depression, it would help to eliminate the social difficulties associated with this disease.
Respect is much more than a simple action. It is a value .
Respect is being able to see beyond the depressed person and see them for what they are:a whole person .
Depression is dangerous. Because it has this ability to make us forget the positive and truly remarkable qualities in people with this disease.
Never let depression hide the truth from you. Don't let it make you forget who the person with depression really is.
Therefore, do not be fooled by appearances.
Never forget to celebrate all the best, all the goodness in people who suffer from this difficult disease.
No need to walk on eggshells with people with depression.
Go about your life as if nothing had happened. Behave normally with them . Pretend your loved one is in very good health.
Sometimes just living a steady, purposeful routine is actually all the person needs to get by.
We all have talents and knowledge. And we all have bad breath :-)
Your loved ones who are suffering from depression certainly have knowledge, talents, things they love to do.
And you know what ? They sure can do all those things really, really well!
You don't yet know their talents or what interests them? So, you have just found your next mission!
Go discover them. Help them discover the things they are truly passionate about .
Seek the means to increase their passions, to develop them, to cultivate them. This is what will help them erase the bad self-image linked to depression.
We all have the ability to love and be loved. And you guessed it:people with depression can also love and be loved .
It is by giving love to your loved ones that you will receive it. So treat others as you would like to be treated.
Just because someone is battling depression doesn't mean it has to change your behavior.
And similarly, just because a person struggles with depression doesn't change their ability to love others.
His love is still there! Don't run away from this love, fill yourself with this love and you will see that there is even more than you thought :-)
During the rare moments of respite from the symptoms of depression, there can be wonderful moments:moments of joy, laughter and bonding.
And if sometimes you have to be patient to enjoy these moments, don't forget that even in your favorite movie, there are scenes that are not as good as the others.
You just have to know how to wait for the best passages.
People with depression are always looking for new ways to relieve their pain.
It is precisely because they are always looking for solutions that they are particularly good at solving problems .
Also, don't be surprised if they are voracious readers and quick learners.
Likewise, don't be surprised if they ask questions that aren't easily answered.
It's a commonality they share with most leaders and pioneers in their field.
Why ? Because these people are guided by their remarkable capacities for analysis and reflection — but also by their deep convictions and values.
As you can see, depression is far from being a handicap! It's even more of a gift. A gift that unfortunately has the potential to depress!
No one has the answers to all of life's questions, nor the ability to solve all the problems of injustice.
Sometimes just knowing how to ask the questions is enough.
Fighting depression can take years. And sometimes it only takes a moment.
Either way, it's a struggle that people with depression MUST win.
The real question is:when will this disease end? And how to get there faster?
Their goal is to win the battle against depression. It's not losing the battle and feeling sorry for themselves.
Most importantly, NEVER forget that depression can be cured, and there are plenty of resources to help them do so.
One of the first steps in fighting depression is realizing that it's there.
It is only by recognizing that it exists that we will be able to heal ourselves.
Very often, people with depression are in denial about their illness.
As a result, they expend a lot of energy trying to hide their depression and deal with it on their own without anyone's help.
Just like fog that suddenly falls and ruins your visibility, depression can strike at any time.
The mood of people with depression is unstable and fragile .
It's not something they can easily control:they don't have a magic little switch to turn off their moments of sadness.
It's a bit like fog:it's not because you want it to rise that it will disappear.
Your loved ones with depression really do their best to be cheerful, pleasant and outgoing.
And what they need is extremely simple:they need you to be there for them. They literally need your presence .
Stay close to them. Do some reading together. Watch your favorite series, together. Go have a coffee on the terrace, together.
No need for a psychiatrist, no need for a psychotherapist:just your presence is enough .
Let the fog dissipate, wait for the sunrise and welcome the light of this new day.
One of the symptoms of depression is fatigue and loss of energy. But did you know that he exercise is scientifically proven to be an excellent antidepressant ?
You may have already heard about the benefits of exercise against depression, but let me give you a little more detail. Regardless of the type of sports activity or the duration practiced.
What is important is to do at least one fitness walk of 30 min, 3 times a week.
This is the "union minimum" to feel the antidepressant effects of a sporting activity.
Not that hard, is it?
When the sun is out and the breeze whispers to you to enjoy a beautiful day, invite your loved one to take a walk with you .
He may not immediately feel the beneficial effects on depression, but it is also possible that he is!
Either way, it's exactly the type of sporting activity that will increase his chances of overcoming depression — and make him more vital.
One of the other symptoms of depression is irritability. Of course, behaving disrespectfully towards others is inexcusable.
But when it comes to people with depression, it's important to know how to separate things and try to let it go.
However, it is entirely justified (and important) to clarify your expectations and to establish your limits when dealing with a person with depression.
Establishing a line not to cross is essential to keep a healthy and harmonious relationship.
When people with depression hurt you, it's okay to let them know.
However, as with any other relationship, it is strongly advised to avoid blaming the other person during the conversation.
Just tell them how you feel, and that it's not how you'd like to feel.
Another thing:when people with depression obviously do not want to enter into this type of discussion, do not insist . Try to come back to them once they have calmed down.
And tell them that you love them, but that you love yourself too! It's a good way to show a concrete example of self-love.
And beyond that, you also show them a healthy mode of communication and how to set boundaries.
For example:"You should go out with your friends more often!" ". "You should" for people with depression is like kryptonite for Superman!
Because of their illness, they think a great deal about what they “should” or shouldn't do. For them, telling themselves what they "should" do something (or not) is a sickly habit.
To be perfectly clear, I'm talking about all the sentences that contain the expression "you should".
Some examples:“You should do more sports! ". Or “You should shake off! In your place, I would do…”. Or again:“You should do like me. .
Not only are these types of phrases condescending, but they also imply that the depressed person is not autonomous and lacks willpower.
In a nutshell, when you use "you should" phrases, people with depression think that you are trying to behave like their parents.
And what they REALLY don't need is to be told what they "should" be doing.
Instead of saying "you should", try asking them open-ended questions as often as possible. Open-ended questions have tremendous positive effects.
Open-ended questions help people with depression consider all options and possibilities. It also helps them explore their ideas and expand their knowledge.
But when you tell them "you should", it will just frustrate them and it will never get things done in a good way.
Remember:open-ended questions are questions that cannot be answered with a “yes” or a “no”.
A question of the type "yes or no" is for example:"Do you have a favorite color?" Yes. .
An open question is for example:"What are your options for the future?" Hmm…”.
This is essential. To say that family does not help people fight depression (or even makes depression worse) is totally wrong.
In fact, there are several therapy models that require active participation by the family or spouse. Yes, depression makes relationships more difficult.
But it is precisely the power of these relationships that can help people with depression.
Through their relationships, they learn more about themselves.
And most importantly, this is how they learn to control their interactions with others.
In fact, one of the best ways to help people who are depressed is to let them know that you are there for them.
But it's not something they just have to feel:you have to communicate to them clearly and directly, face to face.
Ideally, say something thoughtful to them, something that shows you've been thinking about them, something that will encourage them, something that shows they have your support. For example:
- Give small sincere compliments.
- Comment on their strengths and positive traits.
- Consider including them in your events and activities.
- Banish "you should" from your vocabulary.
- Respect their thoughts and feelings, but use open-ended questions as often as possible.
Training for parents strongly emphasizes the use of the reinforcement technique. positive .
To increase the likelihood of a behavior, positive reinforcement (eg, giving a compliment) is much more effective than negative reinforcement (eg, scolding or criticizing).
In any relationship, highlight the positives of a behavior and praise is an effective and healthy way to increase the likelihood that this behavior will be repeated in the future.
And for the other person who receives this compliment, it is a wonderful and very pleasant feeling.
For example:we have all been employed at some point in our lives. Well, even in the professional context, receiving a compliment for work done or for efforts made, increases our productivity and our dedication to this work!
Similarly, if you try to give more positive reinforcement to loved ones with depression, it will increase their self-esteem .
There you go, now you know the 20 things you should NEVER forget when you love someone with depression. :-)
What do you think ? Did I forget something? Share your opinion with us in the comments. We can't wait to read you! :-)
