Divorce isn't fun for anyone. Especially not when it generates so much anger and resentment that parents can no longer interact normally. For the sake of the children, you try to make the best of it. But in some cases contact simply cannot be restored, but what do you do in the event of the death of an ex partner?
Have you ended up in a confrontational divorce, the consequences of which may be felt for years to come. What do you do when disaster strikes? And your ex-partner dies? Could you imagine not going to the funeral with your children after the death of your ex-partner?
A confrontational divorce and a death:not really a cheerful subject. Still, we're going to cut it. Do you think that, for the sake of the children, you should always get over the hassle with your ex? Or is there a limit to that? And does it still apply if your ex partner dies?
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Of course, a divorce is never fun. But a confrontational divorce makes the whole situation just that little bit worse. Divorce actually requires good agreements. Which you make while keeping a cool head. But that is often not easy. In many cases there is resentment and anger. Emotions run high. Sometimes even so high that parents can no longer interact normally.
Who will be the victims of that? Indeed, the children. What does it do to you if your parents can no longer air or see each other? And how do they make agreements about you? Hopefully the situation will cool down after a while. When the worst anger has faded a bit. But there are also ex partners who continue to fight all their lives and then the death of an ex partner is an extra challenge.
Quite honestly:there are certainly ex partners whose funeral I would not attend. But I'm not married to that. And we haven't had any children at all. When it comes to the father of your children, that's a different story, isn't it? You are there just to support them. At least, that's what I thought.
Funeral insurer Nuvema has conducted a survey among divorced parents. What seems? Half of all divorced Dutch people would not go to their funeral after the death of an ex partner. And more than a quarter would not even go with their minor children. Divorces are becoming more common. And so the question is:should I go to my ex-partner's funeral? Not everyone ends up in a fight divorce… Yet only 5% of divorced ex-partners remain really friends. And then you can feel contradictory things after the death of your ex. Especially if your break is still quite fresh. How do you feel about that? Would you be able to get over your past to be able to be at the farewell? Even if only for your children?
Also read:Talking to children about death; how do you do that?
The research shows that after the death of an ex-partner about half of the Dutch would stay away from the funeral. The main reason that emerges from this research is that people simply don't need it (66%). But a fifth of the respondents also indicated that they 'want to avoid hassle'. With the family, or a new partner for example. It is often decided not to go, especially if the children could witness this.
I can't imagine anything with that, but luckily I've never been faced with this situation. Paulien and Marieke did, and they both experienced it in a completely different way, as you can read below.
Fortunately, there are also divorced parents who go through a less violent divorce as you read above and who do visit the funeral after the death of an ex partner to say goodbye. 58% of the respondents indicate that the main reason in that case is the children. But also the fact that someone played an important role (52%) and the fact that ex partners simply got along well (28%) are the reasons mentioned.
What would you do if your ex-partner died? Would you like to be present at the funeral, or not?
You have to arrange all this in the event of a death
