Contrary to what one might think, achieving love of the greatest number is not a gift reserved for a lucky few.
For example those with an advantageous physique, hyper sociable or those with talent.
The reality is in fact quite different. Being lovable, in the sense of being loved, is a trait you can master. It's a question of "emotional intelligence" (EI).
In a study done at the University of California, Los Angeles, respondents judged which of 500 adjectives they thought qualified someone as "lovable".
The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being outgoing, smart, or attractive.
The highest rated were actually sincerity, transparency, and the ability to understand another person.
All these adjectives correspond to people who have been able to develop a strong emotional intelligence.
People who seduce from the first minute therefore have a way of being, attitudes that are easy to reproduce. This is by no means an impossible trait to acquire.
We did our research to find out what are the key behaviors these people have in common that make them so lovable. Here are their 13 secrets:
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening to other people talk is that they are focused on what they are going to say next.
As a result, the words come out of the speaker's mouth, but their meaning is lost.
A simple way to avoid this when listening to someone speak is to ask questions. People like to know you're listening to them.
Simply asking questions to clarify their point not only shows that you are listening to them, but also that you are interested in what they are saying.
You'll be surprised at the respect and recognition you'll get just for asking questions.
Nothing will chill a person more than a text message sent in the middle of a conversation or even a glance at the screen of your smartphone.
When you have a conversation with someone, focus on it and give it your full attention.
You'll find that conversations are much more enjoyable and productive when you get involved.
Being sincere and honest is essential for other people to like you.
Nobody likes imposters. People like to surround themselves with honest people because they know they can count on them.
It's hard to love someone when you don't know who they really are and how they feel behind the scenes.
Kind people know who they are. They have enough self-confidence to feel good about themselves.
By focusing on what makes you happy and motivates you in life, you become a much more interesting person.
On the contrary, if you make choices just to try to win the friendship of the people around you, people may not trust you.
If you want to be liked, you have to be open-minded. When you are open-minded, you are much more accessible and interesting.
Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who already has an opinion and does not want to discover an opinion different from their own.
Having an open mind is imperative in the world of work where it is important to be accessible to take advantage of new ideas and advice that can be given to you.
To avoid having preconceived ideas and judgments, you must try to see the world through the eyes of other people.
This is not to say that you need to believe what they believe or endorse all of their behaviors or choices.
It just means that you stop judging others and take the time to understand what motivates them.
People don't appreciate those who crave too much attention. Know that you don't have to be extroverted to be appreciated.
To win people's friendship, you just need to be warm and polite to them.
When you speak in a friendly, confident, and non-monopolizing way, you'll notice people pay much more attention to what you're saying.
This way you have a much better chance of convincing them than if you are arrogant.
Generally, people aren't really attracted to people who like to list how many VIPs they know.
And when, for example, you are congratulated for having achieved your goals, try to shift the attention to all the people who have worked hard to help you get to where you are today.
Of course, that might sound a bit cliché. But if you do it in a sincere way, the fact that you know how to appreciate the help of others will show your ability to be grateful and humble — 2 adjectives closely linked to being loved.
Few things can make you less attractive than when you change your mind like shirts.
When people want to talk to you, they need to know who they are talking to and what kind of response they can expect in return.
To be consistent with yourself, you have to be reliable and you have to make sure that even when you change your mood, it doesn't impact the way you treat people.
Being aware of their gestures, expressions and tone of voice (and making sure they are always positive) will attract people around you like honey attracts bees.
Using an enthusiastic tone, not crossing your arms, looking people in the eye, and leaning slightly towards the person you are talking to are examples of positive gestures.
This positive gesture demonstrates great emotional intelligence and has the power to attract people.
Positive gestures can make all the difference in a conversation. So how you say things is just as important as what you say.
Studies show that most people decide whether or not they like you in the first 7 seconds of your meeting.
Then they spend the rest of the conversation justifying their first reaction. All this is done in their head, internally.
It may sound terrifying, but knowing this can help you use this information to your advantage and win people over quickly.
Know that first impressions are closely linked to positive gestures.
A confident posture, a firm handshake, a smile and straight shoulders turned towards the person you're talking to will go a long way in making a good impression.
Your first name is an integral part of who you are and everyone loves to hear their first name spoken by someone else.
People who are liked always make sure to call other people by their first name whenever they see them.
Studies also show that people feel confident when the person they're talking to uses their first name during conversation.
If you easily recognize people by their faces, but have trouble remembering their first names, try making this a fun memory exercise.
When you meet someone, don't be afraid to ask their name a second time if you forgot it right after hearing it.
Indeed, you will need to keep their first name in mind the next time you meet this person.
And if you don't want to ask him his name a second time, use this trick.
Naturally and also unconsciously, people reproduce the gestures of the person they are talking to.
If you want people to like you, smile at them while you talk to them.
They will subconsciously return the favor and in addition they will feel good in your presence.
Be careful not to share your personal problems and other confessions too quickly, or you risk coming across as grumpy.
Kind people are used to letting their interlocutor guide them as to when it's a good time for them to open up.
When you touch someone during a conversation, you trigger the secretion of oxytocin in their brain.
Result, this person will automatically have more confidence in you.
The simple act of touching someone on the shoulder, giving them a hug or a good handshake will release oxytocin in their brain.
Of course, you need to touch the right person in the right way to release oxytocin, because touching someone inappropriately and inappropriately will have the opposite effect.
Remember that human relations are not only made of words, but also of different feelings towards each other.
Touching someone in an appropriate way is a good way to show that you care about that person.
People gravitate towards those who are passionate. Unfortunately, it is easy for those who are passionate to be seen as too serious or indifferent because they tend to get absorbed in their work.
People who are appreciated know how to keep a balance between their passion and the moments to be entertained.
At work, they are serious while remaining friendly. They also know how to be productive and efficient in a short time, because they know how to rely on their colleagues by putting their skills to good use. They avoid talking to say nothing and are not interested in gossip.
Instead, they focus on meaningful interactions that are truly worthwhile. They remember what you said yesterday or last week.
It shows that you are just as important as their work.
To conclude, people who are appreciated have unique and invaluable personalities. They network easily, they know how to put the right atmosphere in the office, they know how to get the best out of the people around them and they are the ones who seem to have the most fun.
Add these qualities to your repertoire and you will see that people will start to like you a lot more!
