Have you just decided to start psychotherapy? This is already a great step forward, as so many seniors remain reluctant when it comes to mental health, preferring to be lulled into illusions that give pride of place to resilience and clenching their teeth. Nevertheless, once this step has been taken, other questions quickly arise, and the first of them is not the least:where to go? Because yes, if psychotherapy is no longer taboo and is even experiencing a real craze, this is also reflected in the field by an abundance of practices and practitioners - some more or less competent, but also more or less specialized in this or that domain, and therefore more or less suitable for specific patients. So, what to keep in mind when this early and yet crucial moment in your approach arises, that of choosing your therapist?
Psychiatrist, psychologist, psychoanalyst... if we tend to throw them in the same bag under the general name of "psy", these three professions are quite distinct. As a reminder:
But there is not only long-term psychoanalysis:depending on the disorders that lead you to consult, other forms of therapy, cognitive for example, may be recommended. In short, identify on the one hand what brings you to a shrink, and consequently, the skills you expect from him on the other hand.
You should also know that each therapist has their favorite areas:think in particular of couple therapists or sexologists. However, seniors have concerns of their own:the anxieties that overwhelm us after our sixties are not necessarily the same as those that worry your children and grandchildren. This also applies to processing methods. Some therapists also specialize in taking care of a clientele of elderly people, who most often do not open up as easily as the youngest, as explained above. In other words, find a therapist who can work with you, as a senior, and with the issues that concern you.
It is always possible to change therapists at any time. You are ultimately in control of your therapy. You can even, before committing to the long term, do several trials with different therapists, in order to compare their approaches and their personalities, to ultimately choose the one that seems best suited to your needs and your personality. Do not hesitate to be inquisitive during your first trial session - rarely offered by the therapist - in order to give you a good idea of the person with whom you are currently dealing. Ask about the terms of the cure, the approach of your vis-à-vis, and so on. Just for once, it's up to you, the patient, to ask the questions! You will thus learn about the personality and the way of working of your potential new therapist, and therefore about his adequacy with your desires and needs. Patience and perseverance are the key words at this stage. Don't despair if you don't immediately find your therapeutic soul mate. It is even quite normal and healthy to have to deal with several therapists before finally finding the right fit. Remember that in an area as delicate as that of your mental health, there is nothing more normal than to be demanding and selective.
A good way to speed up this process, by avoiding a series of trial sessions with randomly picked therapists from the directory, is to rely on good old word of mouth. With the democratization of psychotherapy and the reduction of taboos around mental health, it is very likely that people around you - and including your generation, who may therefore share issues closer to yours than those on which your grandchildren pour out with their therapists — have also chosen to consult (burn-out, depression, etc.). You can therefore very well ask them for addresses, if they are satisfied with their therapists, and ask them what they like so much about them. Of course, the question of intimacy arises, since this practitioner would then find himself treating two patients who not only know each other, but may be relatively close and even mention each other in the session. But rest assured, shrinks are professionals who will not share your secrets with anyone. There is therefore no huge risk in enlisting the services of a therapist recommended by a loved one, and conversely in letting your friends benefit from your good experiences. If there is a conflict, a good shrink will be able to recuse himself and recommend a colleague. But if this remains a blockage for you, at worst rely on the advice of another health professional, such as your general practitioner, who will probably also be able to recommend therapists to you.
All supporters of psychotherapy will tell you:the quality of the relationship between a practitioner and his patient is essential to the success of this enterprise. Where this is of little importance in the choice of his general practitioner, with whom the relationship is much more mechanical and unidirectional, the doctor working above all with physical symptoms which lead to a diagnosis and the prescription of a treatment, the psychotherapist can only work with what his patient agrees to give him. And the latter must himself listen to his therapist to carry out part of the work himself. You don't affect your psyche the way you soothe a headache with paracetamol. In short, this relationship is based on exchange, which implies being comfortable with the person with whom one is supposed to exchange, especially since these are the most intimate and personal spheres, secrets that the we have sometimes never revealed to anyone (not even to ourselves!), which we will have to tackle here.
Besides, personal preferences obviously also come into play:the best shrink is the one with whom you feel comfortable. This point is essential since the success of a therapy depends on your ability to open up honestly, without fearing the judgment of the person sitting in front of you. Ask yourself, for example, if you prefer to deal with a very inquisitive person, ready to ask you many questions and to push you to your limits, or on the contrary if it would be more pleasant for you to have an ear in front of you discrete which lets you speak by being erased as much as possible. Other very subjective criteria may then come into play:some elderly people may, for example, be skeptical of the idea of being treated by a therapist several decades younger than them; some will prefer to deal with a man and others with a woman; And so on. Even the look of the office can be enough to feel comfortable, or on the contrary cause a certain disgust.
The success of a therapy resting above all on the quality of the relationship between the patient and his therapist, no criterion should be ignored:if you do not feel it, do not force yourself. It's a bit like in love:it's better to stop early a therapy that promises to be sterile anyway, than to strive to try to make it work at the risk over the sessions of feeling stuck in a ruined relationship. Remember that therapy is a long-term process, that it is someone you will be seeing on a regular basis for perhaps years, to whom you will entrust unparalleled access. to your intimacy and who will thus know more about you and your psyche than many of your closest friends. There is therefore really no embarrassment to have in being demanding before engaging in such a relationship.
